I'm using note cards because, since I've had children, my memory is shot—just like my sanity, my bank account, my waistline.

On Facebook, a friend sent me a link called "25 things you didn't know about me." And I did learn some things...deep, dark, disturbing things. Since I'm a busy mom of two very active boys, I really wanted to combine this testimony and write that list for Facebook (multitasking, you know), but it didn't work out, so I'm going to be speaking about "25 ways (more or less) I've changed since becoming a UU"

First, before I became a UU, I was an atheist. Oh wait, that hasn't changed.

Secondly, I have friends in all age groups, not just the age zero to seven crowd.

Thirdly...and this one is going to need some background. My children started a club called the "Butt Club". Let me explain. This is a club that is for people, usually small boys, who think the word "Butt" is hilarious. And the only requirement for membership is to say the word "Butt". (I think they count the word B-U-T also.) So I now am not only a member of that particular club, I'm on the RE committee and the Stewardship Committee, where the word "Butt" is mentioned rarely, if at all.

Fourthly, I've gotten in touch with my inner Martha Stewart, so I hope you enjoy the punch.

I also didn't know I could teach. Granted, I'm teaching 3, 4 and 5 year olds about sharing, and being scared, and loving thy neighbor, and don't hit your neighbor, and don't take your neighbor's Transformers.

I've also learned that I'm a great mom, especially after my kids have spent three hours here at Parents Day Out. (And if the kids go to Parents Night Out, I find I'm a pretty good wife too.) It's amazing how a little time away helps. I'm going to be Super-Mom tonight—I haven't seen my kids all afternoon.

I get to listen to music that isn't connected to a kids show. "Wow wow wubbzy, wubbzy wubbzy wow wow." I kid you not.

I know that if I have problems I have any number of people I can talk to, including our wonderful minister Thomas. We had a long talk just yesterday. Didn't we? Oh well, I guess it was just in my head. Since you weren't there, here's how it went.

(Holds up both thumbs)

First thumb: "How can I be a more forgiving person?

Second thumb: "I dunno."

First thumb: I really want to let go of my grudges, put the past behind me.

Second thumb: "Whatever."

First thumb (puzzled): "You don't sound like Thomas"

Second thumb: "I'm not Thomas, I'm your damn thumb. Don't you have anything better to do? But if you really want my opinion..."

First thumb (interrupting): "You're not the boss of me!"

When I read the Opinion page in the newspaper, I'm sure to see names I know.

People make lunch for me once in awhile. Hal Caldwell made a fabulous sandwich, that was, I swear, as big as a dinner plate.

I get to dress in grown-up clothes and sit in grown-up chairs.

(Brings out cell phone) Also, since I have now talked for more minutes, uninterrupted, since my first child was born, I thought I'd make a couple of phone calls while I'm at the podium.

(Makes call) Hi...whatya doing? (Walks away from podium) Not much. Giving a speech. (Holds up index finger to audience). "Uh-huh. Hmm. Uh-huh. No. Yeah. Okay. Buh-bye."

(Finishes call)

And I've learned about the inherent worth and dignity of every person, even those who cross against the light, while talking on their cell phones, holding up their index fingers at me, and giving me the stink-eye.

And I know that no matter what I say, I will always be loved by the members of this community.

(Says in a big rush): I shop at Wal-Mart, I let my kids eat at McDonalds and sometimes I listen to talk radio. That felt good to get off my chest.

And maybe I've grown spiritually...who knows?

I do know that the hour I get (some Sundays) to sit and rest and think helps me.

Originally given January 25, 2009
Revised March 16, 2009