"Metta: The Practice of Loving Kindness"
Guest sermon delivered by
Julia Corbett-Hemeyer
Unitarian Universalist Church of Muncie
Sunday, June 1, 2008

Readings

Metta Sutta, Sutta Nipata, 1.8
Translated by Thich Nhat Hanh

He or she who wants to attain peace should practice being upright, humble, and capable of using loving speech. He or she will know how to live simply and happily, with senses calmed, without being covetous and carried away by the emotions of the majority. Let him or her not do anything that will be disapproved of by the wise ones.

And this is what he or she contemplates:

May everyone be happy and safe, and may all hearts be filled with joy.
May all beings live in security and peace—beings who are frail or strong, tell or short, big or small, invisible or visible, near or faraway, already born, or yet to be born. May all of them dwell in perfect tranquility.

Let no one do harm to anyone. Let no one put the life of anyone in danger. Let no one, out of anger or ill will, wish anyone any harm.

Just as a mother loves and protects her only child at the risk of her own life, cultivate boundless love to offer to all living beings in the entire cosmos. Let boundless love pervade the whole universe, above, below, and across. Our love will know no obstacles. Our heart will be absolutely free from hatred and enmity. Whether standing or walking, sitting or lying, as long as we are awake, we should maintain this mindfulness of love in our own heart. This is the noblest way of living.
Free from wrong views, greed, and sensual desires, living in beauty and realizing Perfect Understanding, those who practice boundless love will certainly transcend birth and death.

Metta Sutta, "Discourse on Love," tr. Thich Nhat Hanh, Chanting from the Heart: Buddhist Ceremonies and Daily Practices, Parallax Press, 2007, p.269.

The Dhammapada

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts. . . .
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart. . . .

Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable. . . .

In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.

You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?

The Dhammapada: The Sayings of the Buddha: a New Rendering by Thomas Byrom (Vintage Books/Random House, 1976)

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Introduction

It happens all the time. If not all the time, far too frequently, at least for most of us. If not for most of us, at least for me! Almost without knowing how we got there, our calmness of mind is disturbed, ruffled, our peacefulness challenged, and we find ourselves thinking thoughts or feeling feelings that can hardly be classified as kind or loving.

The Buddhist tradition offers us a solution, one way of working with this situation that I find very helpful. I want to talk about it a bit, and then if you're willing, to practice it. I promise it won't hurt! We don't need to be Buddhist to engage in this practice; it's adaptable to any faith tradition and can be used by agnostics, atheists and humanists as well.

Metta

Metta, in the Pali language, or maitri in Sanskrit, has several possible translations, each of which offers a slightly different perspective and all of which help to fill out its multi-textured meaning. It's loving kindness, loving care, good will, unconditional friendliness, boundless friendliness or boundless good will.

As Joseph Goldstein points out, the distinguishing feature of metta is that it does not make distinctions among beings. It is good will or loving kindness offered freely to all . When our love is mingled with ego-based desire, we make distinctions among those to whom that love is directed. Goldstein writes (Tricycle, Spring, 2008, p. 34) that "Lovingkindness . . . is extraordinary precisely because it can embrace all; no one falls outside of its domain."

Metta is love without the usual admixture of desire and attachment. It doesn't seek self-benefit nor look for what it can get in return. It arises from purity of heart, from our heart's natural capacity and yearning to love. It doesn't depend on any particular quality of the other being. It isn't contingent. Thus, it does not transform readily into ill will, anger, irritation or fear as love when mixed with desire and attachment so often does.

When we love in this way, we can have a peaceful heart that is dependent only upon our willingness to love. If we love only those whose personality or actions call forth our love, then we allow them to determine whether our heart will be loving. Metta flows freely from our own heart of love.

The River of Metta Flows Both Ways

This is a matter of cultivating a positive habit of mind and heart, of transforming our habit energies in a positive direction. A verse from a recent article on kamma, the moral law of cause and effect, puts it well:

Sow a thought and reap a deed
Sow a deed and reap a habit
Sow a habit and reap a character
Sow a character and reap a destiny.

[David Loy, "Rethinking Karma," Tricycle, the Buddhist Review (Spring, 2008, p. 84).]

Regular metta practice diminishes the strength of old, unskillful energies and the hold they have on us, and replaces them with new, more skillful ways of relating to ourselves and to other beings. It transforms our mind and heart and thus our actions, our actual day to day being with others and with ourselves. The intention, breathed silently, voiced, or prayed, motivates action. We practice not only to transform our own mind and heart, but to make our action in the world gentler, kinder, more loving and compassionate.{mospagebreak}

My own belief is that the regular practice of metta works on a different level as well. There is a Buddhist proverb that goes "Whatever happiness is in the world has arisen from a wish for the welfare of others; whatever misery there is has arisen from indulging selfishness." Not only does metta practice transform our own heart and thus our actions, but it releases and enhances the energy of positive intention in ways that make a difference even beyond what we ourselves do. If the fundamental "stuff" of the universe is energy, and if it's all interconnected, then positive energy itself can have a ripple effect in addition to however it changes our actions. As positive energy is added to the mix, negative energies naturally diminish.

The Practice of Metta

There's a reason it's called a practice: it isn't like popping an aspirin when a headache strikes. It's more akin to exercise or yoga. We have to get into the habit of doing it if it's to be beneficial. Our brief run through of it together this morning can give you only a taste of it, perhaps enough to encourage you to experiment with it in your own practice.

We always begin with ourselves when doing metta meditation, because if we cannot offer ourselves loving kindness and good will, we cannot offer it to others either. If we cannot take care of ourselves, we're not likely to be of much help to others. May I be free from suffering . . . .

We can next offer metta to someone we love, to whom we feel close and toward whom we already have loving feelings. Most people find this one and the next one easy. May she/he be joyful . . . . It's OK to include companion animals in this, too!

Next, we can call to mind and heart someone we like, about whom we have positive feelings but maybe not as strongly. May she/he be in peace . . . .

Then, a neutral person, someone for whom we have neither positive nor negative feelings—someone in line with you at the grocery or getting gasoline at the same station, the driver alongside you, the person you pass on the street, the hotel desk clerk before you have any interaction with him or her. May he/she be well. . . .

Following this, we turn to those to whom it may be more difficult for us to offer metta, people whom we regard as difficult, those who have wronged us in some way, who have hurt us, with whom we're angry or upset. May she/he be free of suffering . . . . The same steady practice, letting our heart reach out with the same good will as we offered to our loved ones. I've done this, and I can tell you from experience, it works. We can transform how we feel about such people.

In this respect, it's related to forgiveness, the topic of our panel discussion several Sundays ago. Part of what's involved in forgiveness is our releasing the grip that our hurt and anger has on us, to help free ourselves from the continuing repercussions of whatever was done to us. Metta works the same way, by softening the hurt and the anger, the resentment and the pain, and allowing our hearts to relax.

We can expand our practice by including all persons and all beings. May they be . . . .

As we conclude our formal metta practice, we again turn to ourselves. May I be . . . .{mospagebreak}

We'll use phrases suggested by many people who use this exercise regularly. There are some alternatives in the bulletin enclosure. None of these is required. The important thing is to finds words or phrases that feel natural and right for you. Nothing says that we have to use the same ones all the time; I frequently vary what I use. I vary which phrases I use with different people and beings, as well. It makes sense to me, for example, to say of people, "may they be filled with loving kindness." I'm less certain at this point in my own journey that it makes sense to say that of animals. But "may they be free from suffering" works for me for all beings.

Rough Spots

There are at least three issues that frequently arise when we engage in metta practice.

(1) The first comes up very quickly. Many people find it quite difficult to offer metta to themselves. Many of us tend to burden ourselves with harshness, criticism, demanding, and judgment that we wouldn't dream of inflicting on someone else, especially not on someone we love. If you have trouble holding the intention of metta toward yourself, it can be helpful to call to mind someone from whom you have experienced this kind of freely flowing love and regard yourself as if through their eyes.

The harder this is to do, the more important it is to stick with it. I have a life-long tendency to engage in negative self-talk, although I'm a lot better about that than I used to be. In part, I'm better because of metta practice. It's much more difficult to speak harshly to myself when I've included myself in my metta practice that morning.

(2) We may feel some people simply don't deserve metta—the terrorist, the rapist, the Austrian man who kept his own daughter as a sex slave for decades, fathering several children with her, or the serial killer. . . . Someone who has hurt us personally and deeply. But if I believe that such unspeakable cruelty and violence are born of cruelty and violence, and lessened only by love and open-hearted friendship, then it makes pragmatic sense to hold as my deepest intention that those people experience metta too. As we heard with forgiveness a few weeks ago, holding metta as our deepest intention toward someone does not mean saying their actions are OK. It doesn't preclude justice being served. It doesn't necessarily mean we even want to have that person in our lives ever again. It means that we relate to them in a way that acknowledges their humanity alongside our own and that frees us to experience joy and peace and calmness. It allows our connection to them to be positive rather than remaining stuck in a spiral of negativity.

(3) "But I don't feel loving or friendly, I really don't want this person to be happy." If we're honest, we've probably all felt that way at times. The practice of metta is not about feeling but intention, and they're different. That having been said, the practice is simple and straightforward, but it can be extremely difficult! It may initially feel awkward, very unnatural, and even call forth feelings of aversion and irritation when we do it. Stick with it; be gentle and compassionate with yourself first of all and let it do its transformative work over time. No blame, no hurry. We plant the seed in our heart and mind, nourish it as best we can, and trust it to take root and grow in our lives. And eventually, it does.

Metta practice helps protect our minds against unsettling emotions such as animosity, rejection, resentment, jealousy, envy, and thus helps us not to act them out against ourselves or others. "We can't bless," Sylvia Boorstein writes, "and simultaneously be imagining [or enacting] retribution and revenge."

[Sylvia Boorstein, Happiness Is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life (New York: Ballentine Books, 2007), p. 67.]

Uses

Ourselves—who among us doesn't need more genuine caring for ourselves?
People who routinely grate on our nerves—the contentious family member, the micro-managing boss, the neighbor with the yappy dog{mospagebreak}

For those who have died if we believe their energy continues in some form
For someone who is in danger

To "de-grump"—Thomas talked about declaring a moratorium on complaining—send metta instead!

Above all, metta meditation is a practice of connection to ourselves, to our fellow human beings and to all other beings, whatever and wherever they might be. And who can't benefit from feeling more connected in our fast-paced and fragmented world? After mentioning the sorts of people known to us to whom we might send metta, Sandy Boucher writes:

From these very personal encounters we expand our awareness to all the beings of this neighborhood or country town or city, the people, the dogs and cats, the opossums and raccoons, the bluejays and wrens, and all the other animals and birds that live here. Let your lovingkindness expand to reach out in a great circle and touch all beings in your immediate environment.

Now reach out farther, including the inhabitants of the United States or even the whole continent of North America. Besides human beings and animals, now open to all living beings, trees, flowers, amoebas, rocks, the earth itself. Let your heart open so wide that it encompasses this whole great continent and all the beings living on it. Send lovingkindness to all these beings. Wish them freedom from anger, from grief and disease. Wish for their happiness.

Finally, imagine the universe, with planets and stars, extra-terrestrial beings, divine emanations, sun and moon and our own earth. Send your love out to the whole extent of our known and unknown universe. Shower that vastness with your compassion.

Now return to yourself, this person who sits here. Once again see her before you, and with all the expansiveness you've just experienced, once again send lovingkindness to yourself. Receive it, and wish for yourself an end to hostility and anger. Wish yourself free of grief. Wish health to your body and mind, and allow happiness to live in you.

[Sandy Boucher, Opening the Lotus: A Woman’s Guide to Buddhism (Boston: Beacon Press, 1997), pp. 102-3]

A Brief Practice Session

May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be free of suffering.
May I be well.
May I be in peace.
May I be joyful.

Someone we love

Those in this congregation

Neutral person, perhaps known to you by name, perhaps not, but whom you don't really know

Someone we find difficult

All persons and all beings

Ourselves again{mospagebreak}

Some Metta Phrases and Words

[I've put all of these in just the first person. We always begin with ourselves when doing metta meditation, because if we cannot offer ourselves loving kindness and good will, we cannot offer it to others either.]

1. May I be joyful.
May I be peaceful.
May I have what I need.

2. May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be free from suffering.
May I be well.
May I be at peace.
May I be joyful.

3. May I be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
May I be free from injury.
May I be free from disturbance, fear, anxiety, and worry.
May I learn to look at myself with the eyes of understanding and love.
May I be able to recognize and touch the seeds of joy and happiness in myself.
May I learn to identify and see the sources of anger, craving, and delusion in myself.
May I know how to nourish the seeds of joy in myself every day.
May I be able to live fresh, solid, and free.
May I be free from attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent. [Thich Nhat Hanh]

4. May I be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
May I be safe and free from injury.
May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear, and anxiety. [Thich Nhat Hanh]

5. May I be free of enmity and danger.
May I have mental happiness.
May I have physical happiness.
May I have ease of well-being. [Sylvia Boorstein, from Sharon Salzberg]

If you're interested in trying this practice, you can also combine phrases from more than one of these. Or invent your own—the important thing is to come up with something that feels right for you.