Moving Forward with Intention

Times of transition often lead me to reflection. Our congregation is about to transition from Rev. Seth being on sabbatical and Joel Tishken being our sabbatical minister, to having Rev. Seth back with us. But this will not be simply “business as usual.” We will not be going back to how things were before Rev. Seth’s sabbatical, because we are different, and he is different. As the hymn says, “Life calls us on,” (Kendyl Gibbons/Jason Shelton). Life does not, at least in this instance, call us back. Don’t read more into this than I intend: life calls us to continual renewal, to make intentional the change that occurs anyway, no matter what that change turns out to be. I don’t plan to address the systemic issues we face here. Some of those that seem particularly relevant to me as we move forward are change and stability (or continuity and change), financial support, managing expectations on the cusp between a pastoral and a program sized church, too few volunteers trying to do too much leading to burnout, and theological differences. Nor will I make any specific recommendations about what I think the best course of action is. I do think that we need to be as aware as we can be of our expectations and whether they are realistic, and to hold them flexibly rather than rigidly. I do not think we have completed the necessary personal and congregational work around the issues that have arisen in our communal life in the past
Read More

Farewell

by Joel Tishken, Sabbatical Minister “According to psychologists, a crush lasts on average for four months, if feelings persist beyond that, one is considered to be ‘in love’.” This quote is from the website factualfacts.com. If it’s not just a fact, but a factual fact, it must be true, yes? Well, despite the website’s claim that their facts are factual, I find this statement not accurate. For starters, the website cites no sources beyond “psychologists.” Without reference to where the information is coming from, it’s just another unsubstantiated sentence on the internet. Also, I loved you all long before my four months as sabbatical minister was over. And I was feeling loved by you. These four months have gone fast. I have enjoyed my time with you. It was a pleasure and honor to be your minister. I arrived as the sabbatical minister in February struggling in a number of ways. I was struggling with making a decision about my professional future. I was struggling with my self-confidence. And I was struggling with my sense of ministerial authority and presence. I remain conflicted about my professional future. However, that is not the case on the latter two counts. I depart with renewed self-confidence and with an increased belief in myself as a minister and preacher. Thank you for those gifts. And saying thanks is appropriate as those things came because of you. I can say with certainty that these things would not have come about without you. From warm welcomes in February,
Read More

Friendly Curiosity

When I think of curiosity, the first images that come to my mind are kittens and puppies poking their little button noses into absolutely everything, and my four-year-old grandson constantly asking “why?” For both the pups and kittens, and Roland, nothing is off limits to be sniffed, tasted or asked about. That’s how young beings explore their world. It’s all available in its newness. On the other hand, curiosity can carry a less-appealing connotation, as in the phrase, “idle curiosity.” It gets equated with nosiness. As a noun, it is sometimes used to mean something peculiar or odd, and one might stare closely at a peculiar bug just because it is strange. A more pernicious version of this is when someone stares at a person who appears “different” or acts differently from the cultural norm. When some of his followers asked the Buddha about what would happen after death, his response was something like “I haven’t addressed those questions because they aren’t conducive to enlightenment.” So much for their curiosity! Some contemporary Buddhist teachers, however, have approached curiosity differently. Christina Wolfe and Greg Serpa take Jon Kabat Zinn’s Seven Attitudes of Mindfulness (acceptance, nonjudging, nonstriving, letting go, patience, humor, trust, and beginner’s mind) and add to them curiosity, kindness, gratitude and generosity. Wolfe and Serpa write, “A popular meditation instruction invites us to check in with our own experience as if we were checking in with a good friend. When you meet a friend you haven’t seen in a while, you’re naturally full of curiosity about
Read More

Finding Greener Grass at Home and Abroad

[People] go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering. ~St. Augustine This quote by St. Augustine brought to mind the idiom “The grass is always greener on the other side.” This idiom reminds us that what is beyond our view is not necessarily better than what we currently have. The grass might indeed be greener on the other side of a hill. It could just as easily be dry, browned, and prickly. Or there may be no grass at all. Both the quote and idiom captures: (1) the discontent many people have with the things they are familiar with, and (2) the longing and hope we often have that we can escape those things by crossing a horizon of some kind. It is not uncommon for people to think their life, their family, where they live, where they work… is somehow inferior to other options. I am confident we have all heard and expressed sentiments such as: “There is not enough to do here,” “This town is too small,” “My brother is impossible,” “My boss is a jerk,” and so on. As I’ve shared before, I struggled with living in the Deep South and moving away was a good change for me. There are times we may indeed be unhappy enough with our circumstances that some
Read More

The Quest for Wholeness—Maybe Not!

Oftentimes, we tend to assume that wholeness is a good thing. It seems pretty intuitive that wholeness should be something we strive for, and that it’s better than whatever alternatives we might propose. Fragmentation? Brokenness? But wait—let’s ask a Buddhist what they can contribute to this discussion. The Four Noble Truths that are often used to summarize the Buddha’s teachings leave much unexplained, but nonetheless are a good starting point for our investigation. The First Noble Truth simply points out that suffering exists. Life is dukkha, suffering. Buddhists aren’t pessimists—far from it. But Buddhists are realists. If we are alive, sooner or later, we will come across the truth of suffering. The second truth identifies the cause of our suffering as tanha, or desire. The word, however, connotes a specific kind of desire, the desire for private fulfillment. It consists, as Huston Smith puts it so well, “not of all inclinations, but of those that pull against life and a whole.” Suffering occurs when we seek our own fulfillment without regard for the whole. Traditionally, Buddhists have identified three such desires: craving pleasure, material goods, and immortality, all of which by their very nature cannot be satisfied. Most UUs, I think, don’t fall into those three traps, at least not in their more blatant forms. We may, however, as do a lot of people, crave something we identify as “wholeness.” The third truth draws the logical conclusion from the first two: to end, or at least limit suffering, not only for ourselves but for
Read More

From Brokenness to Wholeness

I trust everyone is familiar with the nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty from 17th-century England. It is among the most common nursery rhymes in the English-speaking world. Like Humpty Dumpty, we too sometimes feel shattered. Thankfully, however, we’re not eggpeople with a fragile exoskeleton. Once an egg is broken it cannot go back together again. While sometimes it may feel as though all our interior essence has run out, and we’ll never get back together again, unlike Humpty Dumpty, we can get put together again. We don’t need to assume the exact same shape after the break as before. Our structure can be changed into countless new shapes. For Humpty Dumpty, a crack is the beginning of the end. But for us, a crack can be a beginning. Mark Nepo, author of The One Life We’re Given, encourages us to think of a crack as an opening. Part of the human condition is that we will face some kind of harm in our lives that may have us feeling broken. But we need not remain broken. Wallowing in our suffering, even when our grievances are entirely justified, keeps us stuck in that broken place. If we instead see our cracks as an opening we can move out of the brokenness to a new place and form. That journey from a cracked shape into a new reformed one may grant us life wisdom about ourselves. Many authors (so many there is no need to cite a particular one) remind us to trust in
Read More

To Trust and to Heal

Our February theme was trust, and our March theme is journey. My February column revolved around the journeys Rev. Seth and the congregation have embarked on, although the theme of trust was there too. So, in March, I’m addressing trust more directly. In the UU Ministers Association weekly newsletter for February 8 Darrick Jackson, Director of Education, wrote: “There are different approaches to developing trust. For some, trust is something you jump in and do. It requires taking a risk and letting the trust happen. On the other end of the spectrum, some feel that trust is earned. People and institutions need to show themselves as trustworthy before trust can be granted. When adherents to these two approaches engage, trust can be hard to establish and lead to an impasse in the relationship. We will not be able to move forward as institutions and individuals if we are not able to move towards trust. Not everyone can, and should, jump into total trust. But we can commit to the development of trust over time, giving priority to our needs for safety and our healing from wounds and trauma.” Mr. Jackson offers wise counsel as we move forward with building and rebuilding trust within our own beloved community. Some of us, I expect, are at each end of the spectrum, and many of us are somewhere in between most of the time. I’d suggest a third factor that plays into this: even for those who are inclined to jump in and do when it comes
Read More

The Journey of Journaling

This month’s Soul Matters small group packet contains the etymology of the word journey. From page 8, “Journey has its roots in the Old French journée, a day’s length; a day’s work, a day’s travel. For instance, a day laborer was called a [journeyperson]; we write our daily adventures in a journal. Looking at life as a journey, the idea of day becomes important. What part of my past do I carry forward into this day and what part do I leave behind? How do I set my compass for the travels of this day, moving into my own becoming? (pg. 8)” Reading this entry in the Soul Matters packet reminded me of a ritual I had offered at seminary in 2015, and later repeated at the UU church in New Madison, Ohio. This began me thinking about the relationship between spans of time and personal change and growth. In the fall of 2015, I was taking a class on worship. To fulfill a class assignment, I wrote and lead a ritual for the autumnal equinox. The ritual emphasized harvest in both literal and metaphorical ways. In the literal sense, participants brought canned goods for a Richmond food pantry that we might share some of the bounty we had. In the metaphorical sense, I asked those gathered to consider their “harvest of wisdom” from the past twelve months. We each spent six-seven minutes considering the following questions and recording some thoughts: (1) “What have you accomplished since the last autumn equinox?”
Read More

The Hero’s Journey, UUCM Version

There are certain books and ideas I return to time and time again because they have proven to be reliable guides and trusted advisors in my own life. I also recommend them to others for the same reason. One of these is Joseph Campbell’s epic work on the heroic journey, Hero with a Thousand Faces. The journey is a “monomyth,” a myth that recurs throughout many times and in many cultures. Campbell unpacks the mythic narrative in seventeen detailed steps. In sum, though, we can understand the hero’s journey in three parts: departure, initiation, and return. The hero begins their journey in the world that is familiar to them, the world that they know. A call to adventure intervenes in this familiar world, beckoning them on to…what? The adventurer does not know at this point. Many narratives depict this in mythic terms. However, we can also understand it in more contemporary terms, relating it to the various personal journeys of our lives, both actual travel and inner journeys of self-discovery. We can apply it as well to congregational evolution. The center part of the heroic journey takes place in the unfamiliar world into which our adventurer has been thrust, either by choice or by circumstance. Various challenges await the hero here. Travelers through this strange landscape face challenges, some great and some small. They encounter helpers along the way. There is always what Campbell calls the “supreme ordeal.” This comes in a few standard forms, but “intrinsically, [it] is an expansion of
Read More

Reflections on Possibility

Some of you have probably heard me tell this story before. When I was in grad school, I needed a desk that was large enough to accommodate my way of working, which usually entailed spreading a lot of resources out on a surface, having a good spot for my shiny new electric typewriter (!), all the while leaving room for a coffee cup. A small desk just wouldn’t work. Enter the typical grad student problem—I didn’t have the money for the type of desk I needed and wanted. A weekend spent touring thrift shops in Nashville turned up a huge old desk, one with a large work surface and an array of good drawers for storage. It was oak, even, solid and not veneer. Some of the drawers creaked, but no real problem. The thoroughly dinged-up top of the desk was a larger problem. In an era when we still frequently wrote with paper and pen, the potholes in the desktop got in the way.  I solved the problem by having a sheet of heavy acrylic cut to fit the desktop, making a smooth surface for writing. Over the years, I slipped more and more quotes underneath the clear top of the desk. I still collect quotes, although now I store them electronically. Here are a few, with commentary, that are in my mind as the new year opens. “Beware of destination addiction, a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is the next place, the next job, and with the next partner. Until
Read More